Hello my name is Andres Sanchez and I am an attorney with 20 years of experience. What state are you in?

To pursue full or sole legal custody in New Jersey, your position should emphasize stability, access to services, and the child’s best interests—not exclusion of the other parent. NJ family courts focus on the child's welfare above all, and they typically favor joint legal custody unless there's a compelling reason to deviate. Based on what you've described, there’s a strong foundation for seeking primary residential custody with sole or joint legal custody, depending on the mother's level of engagement and capacity.

Here’s how to proceed:

1. File a Complaint or Motion for Custody
   You’ll want to initiate or modify custody orders in the NJ Family Division of the Superior Court:

– If no custody order exists: file a “Complaint for Custody” (use Form CN 11486).
– If there’s already an order: file a motion to modify custody based on a change in circumstances.

2. Legal Standard: Best Interests of the Child
   NJ courts use N.J.S.A. 9:2-4 to assess custody, considering factors such as:

– Stability of home environment
– Child’s needs (medical, emotional, educational)
– Parents’ ability to cooperate
– History of caregiving
– Each parent’s fitness
– Proximity of homes and access to school/healthcare

You're on solid footing if you demonstrate that:

– You are providing a stable home, consistent schooling, and access to early intervention services
– Mother’s housing is unstable, and her involvement has been erratic
– The current arrangement is working well, especially with support from her own parents

3. Consider Asking For:
   – Sole legal custody, if you can demonstrate Mother is uninvolved or unable to make sound decisions jointly
   – Primary physical custody, with visitation for Mother
   – A specified parenting schedule (supervised if warranted, or based on her current availability/stability)

Courts may award sole legal custody if one parent is unfit, unwilling, or unable to co-parent.

4. Strengthen Your Case With Documentation
   Start gathering this now:

Housing and Stability
– Written support from Mother's parents (a letter or affidavit)
– Proof of residence (utility bills, lease, etc.)
– Photos of Child's room, school work, activities

Health and Education
– IEPs or Early Intervention plans
– Reports from school or therapists showing consistency in care
– Attendance and progress records

Parental Involvement
– Records of who takes Child to appointments, therapy, school
– Texts/emails showing missed visits or lack of engagement
– Any communications from Mother expressing inability or unwillingness to co-parent

Safety or Risk Factors (if applicable)
– If Mother has unstable housing (e.g., couch-surfing, frequent moves), document this
– If she’s left Child in your care without a plan, document the handoff

5. Be Prepared for Court Evaluations
   You may be required to attend:

– Custody mediation (NJ tries to resolve disputes early)
– A custody evaluation or parenting time assessment

Frame your position as one of support, not exclusion: you are focused on your child's stability and access to services, and you want to maintain ongoing contact with his mother, consistent with his best interests.

Here’s how I’d approach this legally and strategically, given your goal of securing full legal and physical custody of your son while keeping the door open for reasonable visitation and a potential relocation to California:

Legal Framework (New Jersey)
New Jersey courts determine custody based on the best interests of the child under N.J.S.A. 9:2-4, with a strong focus on:

– Stability of each home environment
– Parental fitness
– Continuity of education, therapy, and services
– Co-parenting ability and willingness to allow contact with the other parent
– Child’s age and developmental needs

Steps to Take

1. File for Custody and Parenting Time
   You’ll file a non-dissolution “FD” case in family court since you’re not married. Ask for:

– Sole legal and residential custody
– Parenting time for the mother
– A geographic restriction or court permission for relocation later

This starts the formal custody process and prevents her from trying to impose an informal or disruptive 50/50 schedule.

2. Request a Case Management Conference
   At this hearing, you can raise concerns about her living environment and make a case for interim (temporary) custody orders that preserve your son’s routine and access to school services.

Evidence to Strengthen Your Case
You want to show that you provide the safer, more stable, and developmentally appropriate environment. Useful documentation includes:

– Stability/Continuity Evidence: School records/enrollment showing Child's attendance and participation in early intervention; Letters from teachers or intervention therapists; Medical records, if applicable.
– Living Conditions: Photos/video of your current home and, if possible, any information about her shared apartment; Statements or texts where she admits her roommate is uncomfortable with your child staying there.
– Communication Evidence: Messages/emails where she suggests informal custody changes or admits her housing is not suitable; Any proof of inconsistency in her visitation or failure to follow through with parenting responsibilities.

Long-Term Goal: Relocation to CA
New Jersey courts do not allow out-of-state relocation without either:

– The other parent’s consent, or
– A court order after a hearing showing the move is in the child’s best interests.

After custody is awarded, you can file a motion to relocate under Baures v. Lewis (for custodial parents), showing:

– The move improves the child’s well-being (e.g., extended family support, services)
– You’ll foster visitation with the other parent (e.g., travel stipends, long breaks)

How I’d Frame Your Custody Petition
“I am requesting sole legal and residential custody due to the continuity of care, enrollment in early intervention services, and the lack of a stable alternative environment. I am fully supportive of a healthy and consistent relationship between [CHILD'S NAME] and his mother and propose reasonable parenting time based on her ability to provide a safe, stable, and age-appropriate setting.”

Do you have any other questions?

That’s helpful clarification. Even without a formal admission from her, what her father told you and the context of her working two jobs and living with a roommate in a less ideal environment (compared to your setup in Mount Laurel) can still support a custody argument focused on stability and developmental needs, not safety.

That is a good idea.

You're thinking in exactly the right direction. What she’s doing—trying to impose a custody schedule without a court order while making serious but unsupported accusations—is both legally weak and potentially helpful to you if handled strategically.

Here’s how I’d structure your next moves:

Key Takeaways on Your Rights (New Jersey):

1. There Is No Legal Custody Order Yet
   That means you are not obligated to follow her “4 days a week” plan.

– Unless and until a court orders shared custody, you have full rights to maintain physical custody.
– She can visit if you permit it—but she cannot legally demand custody time or remove your son.

2. Her Claims Undermine Her Credibility
   You’re absolutely right to point out the contradiction:

– If she truly believed you were abusive or unfit, why did she voluntarily leave the child in your care with her own parents?

That’s a compelling credibility issue for the court, especially since:

– Her parents disagree with her accusations, and
– She left the shared home and created instability, not you.

If she repeats these allegations in court, you should:

– Stay calm and factual
– Ask the court to consider her conduct, not her accusations

You may want to ask the court to issue a temporary restraining order (not a protection order, but one that prevents relocation or disruptive custody changes), not because she’s dangerous, but to preserve your son’s continuity of care.

You're welcome. I hope everything works out for you.

Oh I see. That could be something that can be raised.

You're in a very strong legal and factual position—and the way you handle yourself from this point forward will directly affect how the court views your credibility, stability, and parenting fitness. Here's what I’d recommend step-by-step:

Your Position in Summary:
– You are the primary caregiver of your son, with no custody order in place.
– She left voluntarily, took money, and is trying to control parenting time by intimidation rather than court process.
– You're living peacefully in her parents' home, and they support you, not her behavior.
– You have health history and a caregiving arrangement that you both agreed to when your son was an infant.
– You are not legally obligated to comply with any schedule she imposes unless it’s court-ordered.

Step 1: Secure Legal Custody (ASAP)
– File a custody case in NJ Family Court (FD docket):
  • Ask for sole legal and residential custody
  • Seek a temporary order formalizing that you are the residential parent
  • Ask for an order that parenting time be by court schedule or mutual agreement, and request no relocation of the child
– If necessary, also request a financial support order so she’s contributing to the child’s expenses

You can emphasize:
“I have been the primary and consistent caretaker since our son was a toddler. We agreed I would stay home after my heart surgery, and I’ve fulfilled all daily parenting responsibilities. The mother left in February for elective surgery and has now separated our finances and demanded control of custody without a court order.”

Step 2: How to Conduct Yourself Now

What to DO:
– Remain calm, clear, and factual in all interactions—text when possible to keep records.
– Respond to parenting time issues with: “There is no court order. I am happy to work out parenting time that is reasonable and in our son's best interest.”
– Keep a parenting log or journal of:
  • What time she arrives
  • What she says/does
  • How your son reacts
– Preserve all communications, especially anything where she makes accusations or imposes “rules.”

What to AVOID:
– Don’t raise your voice, argue, or make threats.
– Don’t physically block access, but don’t voluntarily hand over your son to a plan you don’t agree with either.
– Don’t move or change your residence until you’ve filed, unless it's an emergency.

Step 3: Living in Her Parents’ Home
Even though you’re technically on their property, you have:

– Implied permission to stay, and
– Their support strengthens your stability claim

Until/unless they ask you to leave:
– Stay respectful
– Document their support (e.g., a written statement that they believe your care is in your son's best interest)

If they do ask you to leave, you may need emergency custody orders to retain your position as primary caregiver.

Step 4: Financial Issues (Savings Split)
That’s a marital/family support issue. In NJ:

– If you were financially supporting her and she separated finances or withdrew savings unilaterally, you can raise this in a support or reimbursement claim within the custody case or a separate complaint.

I understand.

Alright. Best of luck.

Sorry I have no control over that. Let me know if you have any other questions.

My pleasure.