[IN] How do I prepare and present my case pro se in a custody trial involving abuse allegations and a military 20/20/20 spouse?

IN Family Law

Jon

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Since you’re representing yourself, you need to be ready to follow the same courtroom rules attorneys follow. Judges usually give Pro Se litigants some patience, but they still expect proper procedure.

In a contested Illinois custody trial, the structure is generally: (735 ILCS 5/2-1105 – Order of trial)

Preliminary matters
Opening statements
Petitioner presents case (you, if you filed)
Respondent presents case
Rebuttal (if necessary)
Closing arguments

You must introduce exhibits properly and move to admit them into evidence. Letters from therapists may be considered hearsay unless the therapist testifies.

Illinois custody decisions follow the “best interests of the child” standard under (750 ILCS 5/602.7(b)). You must connect your evidence (abuse, instability, neglect) directly to those statutory factors.

The judge may rule immediately or later in writing.

As for the 20/20/20 rule, that concerns military retirement benefits and TRICARE eligibility — not custody. Illinois courts focus strictly on the child’s safety and well-being, not military status.

Organization is critical. Bring three copies of everything and label exhibits clearly. Practice your testimony. Stay calm and respectful.

Consider contacting Illinois JusticeCorps or legal aid immediately.

You should not contact the judge’s secretary to discuss your case. That could violate rules against ex parte communication. You may contact the clerk’s office only for administrative questions (location, check-in process, number of copies required).

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I am preparing for Pro Se in my Divorce Custody Trial and would like to get counsel on what I should expect. How should I present my case?

My ex-wife is former military and we have 3 children, 1 being a minor, but they were all minors when she walked out. She has a history of abuse — turning off power to their rooms at night, locking the fridge and pantry and not giving access to food. I would have to take breaks from work to bring them food. My son’s therapist has written a letter, and I have pictures of damaged doors and one child has a scar.

Would it be okay if I reached out to the judge’s secretary to get insight on how he runs his courtroom?

Lexi, Chatbot

I understand that preparing for a Pro Se divorce custody trial can be quite stressful. What specific issues or concerns do you have regarding your upcoming trial? Have you already gathered all the necessary documents and evidence to support your case?

That’s what I want to talk about.

Jon

Hello, I’m Jon, a licensed attorney with over 13 years of experience, here to help. I understand legal matters can feel overwhelming, but you’re in good hands. My goal is to explain things clearly and guide you toward the best possible solution for your situation. Just a quick note: our conversation is for general legal information only and does not create an attorney-client relationship.

I understand you're preparing for your Pro Se divorce custody trial. Let's make sure you have everything you need. Could you tell me which state you're in?

Good Afternoon, I understand. I am presently in Alabama, however the trial is taking place in Illinois.

Jon

Got it, thanks for letting me know. It's important to focus on the best interests of your children when presenting your case. Do you have any existing custody agreements or court orders in place regarding your children?

I have prepared a Pro Se trial testimony, and no, there is no current court order or agreements.

Jon

Are there any specific concerns about your ex-wife's ability to care for the children that you plan to raise during the trial?

That’s what I wanted to discuss. I think I have all the info, just don’t know how to present or bring it up. I’m assuming the judge will give me some leeway. Will the judge give me time to read everything and then respond, or are there certain steps and stages he asks for information?

Jon

Got it. I just need a few minutes to put together a complete response for you.

Jon

In a contested Illinois custody trial, the structure is generally: (735 ILCS 5/2-1105 – Order of trial)

Preliminary matters
Opening statements
Petitioner presents case (you, if you filed)
Respondent presents case
Rebuttal (if necessary)
Closing arguments

You must introduce exhibits properly and move to admit them into evidence. Letters from therapists may be considered hearsay unless the therapist testifies.

The judge may rule immediately or later in writing.

Organization is critical. Bring three copies of everything and label exhibits clearly. Practice your testimony. Stay calm and respectful.

Consider contacting Illinois JusticeCorps or legal aid immediately.

I see. I’m trying to absorb the info. If I feel overwhelmed, can I ask the judge for a continuance to find counsel?

Jon

Yes, but you must show good cause and diligence in attempting to hire an attorney. File a written motion immediately explaining the complexity of the case and your efforts. The judge may deny it, so continue contacting attorneys right away.

I have already reached out to them and left messages — no return calls yet.

Jon

Good. Document those attempts. Keep trying.

Also have reached out to the Buchanan Group.

Jon

I hope the information provided was helpful. Let me know if you need anything else.

One last thing — my son wants to tell the judge how he feels. He’s 12. How do I handle getting him in chambers? Do I call the clerk or wait until trial?

Jon

You must wait until court. Do not contact the court ex parte.

So do I bring him into the courtroom? Or leave him in the lobby and mention his desire to speak? There are so many things to consider.

Jon

You must formally request that the judge interview your 12-year-old in chambers. Do not simply bring him hoping the judge will summon him.

Under 750 ILCS 5/604.10(b), the judge has discretion to interview the child privately outside the presence of both parents to consider the child’s wishes.

You need legal help as soon as possible.

Jon

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