[VA] Does my separated husband have a right to bring guests into my home that I co-own and do not want in the house?

VA Family Law

Liz

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I'm really sorry to hear about everything you're going through. It sounds incredibly stressful. You could file an SSI fraud report. With his actions though, the fact he's bringing someone else into your home could in some ways be beneficial. It could provide direct proof of adultery for fault based divorce. (VA Code § 20-91)

Sadly, because you're still married and he still lives there, the cops usually consider it civil and won't remove her even though you're the actual owner. (VA Code § 20-103)

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My husband I and I are separated under the safe roof. The house is mine, his name is not on it and he’s never paid a dime toward it and he won’t get out. Now he wants to bring someone here right before a blizzard and I keep telling him no. Does he have a right to bring people in my home that I specifically say aren’t welcome?

Lexi, Chatbot

I understand how stressful this situation must be for you. Can you confirm if there are any legal documents or agreements regarding your separation that might affect his rights to the home?

He won’t sign a separation agreement. We have court on February 20.

Lexi, Chatbot

Have you previously discussed or established any boundaries regarding guests in the home during your separation?

I’ve told him no women. This is a woman.

Lexi, Chatbot

Is there anything else the Lawyer should know before I connect you? Rest assured they'll be able to help with your housing issue.

Tons of things, but I guess that will do for now.

Liz

Hi there! My name is Liz and I’ve been an attorney for more than a decade, and I am here to assist with your legal concerns. So I can best help, do you have any separation agreement?

He won’t sign a separation agreement. We have court for the divorce and my pendente lite on 2/20.

Liz

In the pendente lite, did you request possession of the house?

Yes.

Liz

And did you purchase the home during the marriage?

The house belongs to my sister and I, our parents left it to us when they died. Several years before we got married. And we were barely married a year at the time of separation. He has put no money toward the house, only caused damage to it.

Liz

Got it, thanks for sharing that. Since the house is jointly owned with your sister, his having an unauthorized guest can be complicated. Since you've lived in the home together as married, he essentially is a pseudo tenant. Tenants can have guests, but because you're also married still with no agreement, it can be creating a tense domestic situation that could be used in court.

Used by whom? And we’re literally about to have a blizzard and I don’t want some meth head female snowed in my home! This is still my house! Why does he get to take everything away? He was abusive and he’s a freeloader and this is so f**ked up.

Liz

Used by you, because he's essentially forcing this difficult situation just to torment you. With his being abusive, was he violent physically? That could get a restraining order to remove him from the home.

We’d still be happily married if he didn’t threaten to kill me a bunch of times, among many other things. And I can’t even get a PO because he’s disabled and they’ll make ME leave!

Liz

That can actually depend on your court. Which state are you in? Even if he's disabled, they usually remove the abusive party.

Virginia. He hasn’t actually put hands on me in several months. I have to fight with him over some dumb thing or another every single day. He got a false APS investigation opened on me, which is closed now. The shower that’s easiest for him to use is in my bedroom so I don’t get even one private space. Because he’s disabled he says if I don’t let him use my bathroom it’s abuse. He says his bedroom isn’t part of my house anymore, that it essentially belongs to him until court. Is that true?

Liz

Is he still emotionally violent? In VA, the order does allow you to request the home, even if he's disabled. In the divorce, cruelty is also an option for a fault-based divorce, which can then reduce what he would get from the marital assets. Also, if he can still safely shower in one of the other showers, not letting him have the easier shower isn't abuse. If his bedroom isn't part of the home anymore, then he also wouldn't have the right to your segregated space. He's basically arguing, though, that he is a tenant, and so his space is entitled to quiet enjoyment. However, then your space would be entitled to the same.

He’s emotionally violent daily.

Liz

You could also reach out to domestic violence groups, just because he's disabled, it doesn't change that he has no right to victimize you. If his room is separate, he also would then have to keep said girl in the room, since the rest of the home is shared.

There are no real marital assets. There’s nothing in his name and nothing that he actually contributed to. I filed a no fault divorce because I just wanted him to leave. But now he’s hurt and says he won’t leave until “I learn.” She’d have to come out to use the bathroom or get a drink or whatever. If she gets snowed in here guess who would have to feed her? He doesn’t have any money, he blows it all on drugs and gambling.

Liz

Which you can change it to a fault-based divorce. Did you consider hiring an attorney? Also, if they have drugs in the house, you could call the cops on him.

I have an attorney, I just can’t get her to have a phone call with me. Meanwhile, he got a legal aide attorney he can text at 4am and she’ll respond. He argues things so that he gets it both ways. Tomorrow he’ll be saying that he’s sorry and that he loves me. And I always tell him I can’t possibly believe him with all this bullshit he pulls. I’ve been asking him to get out of my house for almost 18 months. And he’s not doing a thing to find somewhere to go.

Liz

Wow, that's surprising. Legal aid usually is not that responsive. Your attorney could file for the restraining order. He seems to plan on staying until a sheriff literally forces him out.

He said that his attorney said that if I get a PO she’ll make it so I’m the one that has to leave.

Liz

That's not up to her. That would be up to the court. The standard is that the abusive party leaves because it's not fair to remove the victim.

He’s of course claiming that I’m abusive. Which is ridiculous. A reaction to sustained continuous abuse is not abuse.

Liz

Can I ask, what kind of disability does he have?

The last girl he lived with, she called the cops on him because he hit her. Before the cops got there he scratched up his face and acted feeble when the cops arrived and got HER arrested. Mental disability. He claims Social Security says physical too but idk what for if that’s true. He’s also the biggest liar I’ve ever met.

Liz

Mental disability usually is much harder for him to prove and doesn't provide protection for housing. You could also consider cameras in common spaces, to protect against claims of abuse.

I have them. They’re the only reason he hasn’t physically abused me in a long time. I’m sure they won’t paint me in the best light either without the benefit of the context of putting up with his ridiculous shit. His mental disability is BPD. And he exaggerated his symptoms to get his disability approved in the first place. But he’s been getting SSI for years. I never should’ve trusted him. He’s ruining my life. Just for fun.

So if he brings this girl back with him can I call the cops because someone is in my house that isn’t welcome or no?

Liz

Sadly, because you're still married and he still lives there, the cops usually consider it civil and won't remove her even though you're the actual owner. (VA Code § 20-103)

And I 100% will use it against him in court either way. I guess I’ll have to re-file for an at fault divorce. Ok. This is so wrong. What if my sister calls and says she’s not welcome? My sister isn’t married to him and she lives here too.

Liz

Even though you both are owners, because he lives there as a "tenant" in a sense, the police just call it civil, as he can technically have guests.

But he’s not a tenant and he’s forcing me to let him live here. What kind of f**ked I’m shit is this? Excuse my language. But seriously. How is this fair at all. I’m not cussing you, this just sucks so much.

Liz

Oh I understand, and I agree, it's ridiculous. He's basically using the fact the law is a bit broad and the police lazy to torment you. Which can come back to bite him in the divorce court, but for now, sadly the law is reactive, not proactive.

He just texted and said he talked to the sergeant on duty at the PD and “explained everything” and they assured him that if I call they won’t touch it unless there’s assault. That could also be a complete lie.

Liz

You could speak with them yourself, but that often gives them more impetus to call it civil, as it becomes he said/she said.

But hey, even if I did call the cops because they’re doing drugs, if that’s “his space” all he has to do is refuse to let them in, right? Right, I get that. I don’t plan on calling them unless I have to. And that’s why I wanted to ask an attorney first.

Liz

If it's in his bedroom, yeah, because then it becomes an issue of search and seizure. If they start doing drugs in your bathroom or living room, you can consent to entry of the house.

This is so absurd. It’s taking literal years off my life with the stress. Alright, well thanks for listening to me rant.

Liz

It's not much comfort, but the good news is since it's premarital and you own it with your sister, at least he can't try to take the house.

Yeah because he definitely would. I’m gonna get off and cancel this subscription since I’ll probably end up paying him spousal support. He’s a con artist but the courts seem to not care about that. Thanks for your help.

Liz

You're very welcome.

Liz

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