How do I get my husband to agree to a settlement already signed when I file for divorce next month?
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The hard part about negotiation is encouraging the other person to agree. You need to assume good intentions (even when it’s difficult) and work cooperatively. Here’s a good framework:
- Identify his interests – Is it saving money? Avoiding court?
- Clarify your interests – Speed, fairness, financial support?
- Come up with 2–3 reasonable, objective proposals– Be specific.
- Present the proposals calmly and confidently.
- If he rejects them, ask: “Is there a reason you don’t think negotiation is necessary?”
- Know your BATNA (Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement) – If he won’t negotiate, you’ll go to court.
It sounds like he has trust issues, so ask what “walking away equally” means to him. Point out that blaming you for not working isn’t legally relevant—courts don’t sympathize with that logic. It’s cheaper and easier for him to resolve this amicably with you.
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What is a good approach to try to get my husband to agree to a settlement already signed when I file for divorce next month? He committed adultery and we could have a no-fault divorce if he agrees to a fair amount. He is the provider but wants to stop spousal support soon. If I ask for 50% of his 401(k), he wants to deduct the vehicle's value I’m driving now—which he and his sister gave me (but is still in his name) after his dad passed in May 2023.
Thanks so much for requesting me! Has he suggested what he wants to resolve this?
He has only shot down what I’ve offered. He’s a difficult person to communicate with.
Ok, thanks. But what exactly is he wanting?
Last year, his highest offer was $75,000. I would take that—or even the $50,000 he offered. He wants us to walk away “equally” and says I chose not to work. He also thinks my family’s home should’ve been put in our names so he wouldn’t owe me anything. I think he wants to make sure I get very little—or that I pay a lawyer and still end up with little.
So you said he already signed the settlement agreement?
No, I’m going to present one to him soon. He said to send it to his lawyer.
I don’t know the amount in his 401(k) when he left last May.
The hard part about negotiation is encouraging the other person to agree. You need to assume good intentions (even when it’s difficult) and work cooperatively. Here’s a good framework:
- Identify his interests – Is it saving money? Avoiding court?
- Clarify your interests – Speed, fairness, financial support?
- Come up with 2–3 reasonable, objective proposals– Be specific.
- Present the proposals calmly and confidently.
- If he rejects them, ask: “Is there a reason you don’t think negotiation is necessary?”
- Know your BATNA (Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement) – If he won’t negotiate, you’ll go to court.
It sounds like he has trust issues, so ask what “walking away equally” means to him. Point out that blaming you for not working isn’t legally relevant—courts don’t sympathize with that logic. It’s cheaper and easier for him to resolve this amicably with you.
He says he wants a judge to decide. I assume he thinks the judge will side with him. I will present that way of thinking back to him.
Understood. If that’s his position, it’s his prerogative. You just need to prepare your best case for court. Sometimes, preparing to go to trial is what moves the needle in negotiations.
Okay, thanks. I know it’s not easy.
I’m really sorry—it’s tough, but you’re doing the right thing by preparing and thinking strategically.
