[NC] Would I be required to pay alimony after a 21-year marriage, considering our incomes and any alleged adultery?

NC Family Law

Legal Eagle

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Alimony is possible in a long marriage like this in NC. Her choices and habits do not automatically block it. Cheating can reduce or cut off her right to it if you can prove it.

NC looks at supporting spouse income, dependent spouse need, and misconduct. A 21-year marriage gives her a strong claim, but the court can deny or reduce alimony if she committed marital misconduct like cheating under NC Gen. Stat. 50-16.3A. Her spending on cigarettes and alcohol does not create a legal exemption, but it can affect the amount because courts consider reasonable needs. Her ability to work also matters, including the fact that she has been healthy enough to come and go and stay out late.

You make about $58,000 a year, so any alimony would be modest and limited. If she is committing adultery and you can document it, the law allows the judge to bar alimony entirely.

Here is what you can do legally, step by step:

Gather evidence of her late nights, communications, or anything that points to an affair
Document your monthly expenses and her personal spending
File for divorce from bed and board in NC if appropriate
Address temporary support and property division early

North Carolina Separation Agreement

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I am wanting a separation/divorce. My wife has never worked and never gotten a job. I am a truck driver. We have a run-down mobile home on a half acre lot. I make approx $58,000 a year. I’ve offered to buy her out for half of the tax value of the property and pay her cell phone bill for a year. She wants alimony. Will I have to pay her alimony?

Lexi, Chatbot

I understand that navigating a separation or divorce can be challenging. Can you tell me how long you and your wife have been married?

I don’t know.

Lexi, Chatbot

Have you and your wife discussed any other financial arrangements besides the buyout and alimony?

Sorry for that last response. We have been married for 21 years.

Legal Eagle

Hello, I’m Legal Eagle. I’m an attorney who works in your area of law and I’ll help you sort this out today. I’ve read what you shared, so let’s go over what’s happening and what your best next steps look like.

What monthly amount does she say she needs to cover her basic living expenses after the separation?

That’s part of the issue. She smokes 2 cartons of cigarettes a week, a case of beer a week. I spend about $1,400 a month supporting her bad habits. She has no clue about money – she has never worked and was living in her car with a small child when I took her in. The trailer and lot was actually owned by my sister.

Legal Eagle

Thanks for sharing more details. It sounds like a tough situation.

Could you let me know which state you’re in? This can affect how alimony is determined.

I’m in NC. There is no reason she can’t work other than a previous drunk driving conviction and no license. Right after we met, I paid off all her tickets and got her license back. She got another drunk driving ticket within a month. That’s been 22+ years.

Legal Eagle

Got it, you're in North Carolina. Thanks for letting me know.

Since you've been married for over 21 years, the length of the marriage might influence alimony decisions. Could you tell me if there are any children involved or any other dependents?

No children – we each had kids from other marriages that are now adults.

Legal Eagle

Ok! Did you need to tell me anything else? If not, I can start with answering your question.

My income is approx $58,000 a year.

Legal Eagle

No problem! I’ll certainly address that. Anything else you'd like to add you think is relevant before I answer?

She has started leaving the house late at night and returning at 2am in the morning. Another time she left at 8am and didn’t return till 9pm. I feel like she may be seeing someone else. I am hoping to NOT have to pay her alimony. But if I do – what are the circumstances I would have to continue payments.

Legal Eagle

Alimony is possible in a long marriage like this in NC. Her choices and habits do not automatically block it. Cheating can reduce or cut off her right to it if you can prove it.

You make about $58,000 a year, so any alimony would be modest and limited. If she is committing adultery and you can document it, the law allows the judge to bar alimony entirely.

Here is what you can do legally, step by step:

Gather evidence of her late nights, communications, or anything that points to an affair
Document your monthly expenses and her personal spending
File for divorce from bed and board in NC if appropriate
Address temporary support and property division early

Legal Eagle

Does that help clarify things?

Can I agree to a small amount of alimony in exchange for a property distribution?

Legal Eagle

Sure thing! Yes, you can negotiate a smaller alimony payment in exchange for a more favorable property distribution. This is often done through a settlement agreement.

If she agrees to terms in a separation agreement, can they change before the divorce decree?

Legal Eagle

She can agree to terms in a separation agreement, and those terms will stay in place unless both of you choose to change them. A separation agreement is a binding contract in NC, so she cannot change it on her own later unless there are serious legal issues like fraud or coercion.

The property and trailer was actually mine – although it was in my sister’s name until she divorced in 2018. When she went through her property distribution, we just put it in my name. So technically, I owned it prior to getting married. I have worked so hard all these years and she wouldn’t do anything – cook, clean, or anything.

Legal Eagle

Property you owned before the marriage usually stays yours in NC, so the trailer and land may count as separate property even though the title changed in 2018. The court can still look at any increase in value during the marriage, but it does not automatically become marital property. These facts strengthen your negotiation position.

So if I do agree to alimony – is there a set amount if a judge ordered it? Do I have to pay her enough to pay rent, utilities, and living expenses? That could be $2,000 or more.

Legal Eagle

There is no set formula in NC. Judges look at your income, her actual needs, and what is realistically affordable. You would not be ordered to support a lifestyle far beyond your means on a $58,000 income.

So if I offered her NO property distribution and $500 a month – would a judge or attorney view that as fair?

Legal Eagle

A judge looks at the overall balance. $500 a month without property may or may not be seen as reasonable, but it is a defensible starting point in negotiations, especially given the property issues and your income level.

How long does the alimony stay in effect? If she remarries or moves in with someone else, does that cancel the alimony?

Legal Eagle

Alimony can be for a set term or open-ended. It ends automatically if she remarries and can also end if she cohabits in a marriage-like relationship. You can spell this out clearly in a separation agreement.

Ok – do the forms on this site cover all these items?

Legal Eagle

Our service provides access to legal experts who can guide you through the process and help ensure all necessary items are covered. I believe eForms helps with that.

OK – so I can try to reach an agreement with her, then complete the forms on the eForms site, print and have notarized. If she won’t agree, and if she goes to an attorney, can they make me pay her attorney fees?

Legal Eagle

Her attorney can ask, but the court only orders fee payment if she proves she is the dependent spouse and you are the supporting spouse. Judges also look at good-faith negotiation efforts. Reaching an agreement lowers that risk.

OK – I think I have all my questions answered for now. If I have more, can I come back here and continue this chat or will I need to start all over?

Legal Eagle

Sure thing! You won’t need to start over. Just follow the link you’re working on.
I hope I was able to help resolve your issue! If you have any other questions, feel free to ask.

Thank you.

Legal Eagle

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