[VA] What can I do to regain access to my child and protect myself after leaving an abusive spouse who has filed a case?

VA Family Law

Liz

43,836 satisfied customers

View context

Solved

If there's only a trial date set and no temporary orders have been issued, then there shouldn't be any restrictions on your custody rights at this time. (VA Code § 20-124.2)

He'd need a restraining order or emergency custody order to prevent it. (VA Code § 20-124.3)

Virginia Marital Settlement (Divorce) Agreement

Create Document

Full Conversation

I found out in May that my husband met up with someone to get his penis sucked. This isn’t the first time that I felt he was being untrue. I told him I would give it until November to see if anything changed. It got worse because he used my insecurities to get me to have men watch us have sex and even had me suck our close friend's dick. He gets drunk and starts fights in front of our 5-year-old, so I left him about 3 weeks ago. I saw my son during the first week, but he got violent and I didn’t want to cause more problems for my son. As well as I have been working on getting my own place to have my son come to.

There is so much more, but I need help now. He has filed something with the court, which he has used as leverage to keep me from my son. Please someone advise me on what I can do.

Lexi, Chatbot

I'm really sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're facing with your husband and the impact it's having on your son. Can you tell me if there are any existing court orders regarding custody or visitation?

He filed something but I haven’t seen them. He wants to give them to my older son to give to me, but I don’t know that I want them.

Lexi, Chatbot

Have you had any legal representation or advice regarding the court filing your husband has made?

No.

Lexi, Chatbot

Is there anything else the lawyer should know before I connect you? Rest assured they'll be able to help with your custody issue.

Yes.

Liz

Hi there! My name is Liz and I’ve been an attorney for more than a decade, and I am here to assist with your legal concerns. Just so you are aware, this platform provides legal information only. No attorney-client relationship is formed from our conversation.

So I can best help, did your husband say what kind of document he filed?

I have the first day, my husband sent in a text. I believe it's something about custody.

Liz

Thanks for sharing that. Could you let me know where you're located? This will help me understand the legal context better.

I sent Spotsylvania, Virginia. Did you receive it this time?

Liz

Oh my apologies, it seems I didn't get your message the first time. Thank you!

With everything, are you considering divorce?

Yes, that's why I left. After the May incident, I can't trust him anymore. He keeps lying. And last year, we found out his niece was molesting our son, and they all lie and are dishonest people. My husband is the same.

Liz

I'm so sorry. In a divorce in Virginia, you could consider making it fault-based, and the infidelity and mental cruelty could be claimed.

I told him that the acts he wanted me to do were affecting my soul and he kept on making me do them. If I don't get the paperwork, does that mean we can't go to court on the first of December? I don't have a lawyer. His family has money and I don't know what to do. Are you still here?

Liz

I'm here. Does he also have money or is it with his parents? In a divorce, you could request he cover your attorney fees.

He has some money. We have a house together and he works.

Our son had cancer, so I'm not working.

Liz

I'm so sorry. You could also seek alimony and child support. If he has already filed, you still can file counterclaims as well.6

Should I let a processor give my older son court paperwork to get to me? How do I file counterclaims if I don't have a lawyer?

Liz

You can represent yourself, it's called being pro se. You usually want the paperwork, so that he can't try to claim you're avoiding service.

Okay, so I go to the courthouse and file before court or do I wait for the court date and tell the judge? I can't lose my son and everything I've built for the last 13 years. I've avoided him knowing where I am because I'm afraid.

Liz

You would file paperwork before court. There is also legal aid for those who are low income. With you being afraid, is he violent?

He can be when he's drunk. He screams vulgar things. He broke a table the day before I left. He definitely scares me and my son when he gets angry. So, should I get the paperwork and go to the courthouse to request legal aid and file for custody and alimony? He drinks every day and gets drunk every weekend.

Liz

That can also be a serious issue for custody, as it makes him a risk. You could also seek a restraining order.

Okay. So I just go to the courthouse, file for divorce, custody, restraining order, and alimony?

Liz

You would have to go to the courthouse to file, yes.

Am I able to pick my son up from school and keep him for the weekend and take him back to school Monday, legally? I miss him and am worried about him.

Liz

If there is no restraining order or custody order, you'd both have legal custody and would be able to have access.

I have been FaceTiming with him in the evenings, but his dad starts fights and my son gets scared, so I let him go.

Okay, well, I might do that. I don't like fighting or trouble. I was abused as a child and went through an awful divorce with my parents. I'm scared. I don't want to do anything to jeopardize getting my son.

Liz

I understand how difficult this must be for you, and it's completely normal to feel scared in such a situation. Remember, you're taking steps to protect yourself and your son, which is very important. The court also favors joint custody.

Should I see what the papers say before picking my son up from school?

Liz

Are you being served today?

I want to see my son, so I said I would meet him at the restaurant this evening. I want to be with my son, not him or his terms.

Liz

I understand. When you file, you could also seek temporary custody orders.

Okay. If I haven't seen the papers and get my son, I can't get into trouble, right?

Liz

If there are no existing court orders or restraining orders that you are aware of, you should be able to see your son.

He only showed me the first page and we have a trial date. That means, he hasn't done anything with the court to stop me having custody at this time, right? Is there even such a thing?

Liz

If there's only a trial date set and no temporary orders have been issued, then there shouldn't be any restrictions on your custody rights at this time. (VA Code § 20-124.2)

He'd need a restraining order or emergency custody order to prevent it. (VA Code § 20-124.3)

All right, well thank you for the advice.

Liz

You're welcome. Stay safe!

Liz

43,836 satisfied customers

Welcome! Have a similar question?

By messaging AskALawyer, you agree to our Terms and Privacy Policy.

Barrister

Lawyer/Landlord/Realtor

4.78 (66,544)

[IA] What legal options do I have if my mother refuses help but is unable to manage her affairs and is being financially exploited?

Answered 17 minutes ago

Andrew F., Esq.

Expert

4.26 (42)

[CA] Can I get a restraining order during divorce if my spouse keeps coming to the home unannounced after moving out?

Answered 4 hours ago

Charlie

Attorney

4.55 (23,758)

[FL] What custody and child support rights does an unmarried mother have when leaving an alcoholic partner?

Answered 1 day ago

Disclaimer

By messaging AskaLawyer.com, you agree to our Terms and have read our Privacy Policy.

The information provided on AskaLawyer.com is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. While we strive to ensure the accuracy and timeliness of the information presented, we make no guarantees regarding its completeness or applicability to your specific circumstances.

Use of this website does not create an attorney-client relationship between you and AskaLawyer.com or any of its attorneys. Communications through this website, including any responses from attorneys, are not privileged or confidential. For advice tailored to your individual situation, we recommend consulting a licensed attorney in your jurisdiction.

AskaLawyer.com disclaims any liability for actions taken or not taken based on the content of this site. We are not responsible for any third-party content that may be accessed through this website. Reliance on any information provided herein is solely at your own risk.